May 25, 2009

• 52509: "On Dealbreakers"

  We all have requirements, and we all have "dealbreakers." For me, there are some obvious requirements. She has to be a Christian. She has to be a ministry partner. She has to be pro-life. She has to be physically attractive to me (I have heard girls say that looks don't matter, and I can believe them. But I've never heard a guy say that, and if he did, who would believe him? That's just how God made the male race; we are visually oriented and stimulated. We shouldn't have to apologize for it!).

  But for the longest time, I've had what people would coin a 'superficial' dealbreaker. I always insisted that it was not; after all, if it's important to me, who are you to call it shallow?? The dealbreaker was as follows: She could not be a Yankees fan (commence snickering and rolling of the eyes). My thinking was quite logical: The Mets are important to me, and I view the other Big Apple team as the enemy and all that is wrong with the universe. I mean, how could we possibly co-exist under the same roof until death do us part? It made perfect sense within the confines of my savvy intellect. Therefore, I would tirelessly defend this noble cause before many a friend. Those who didn't agree with me, well, they were just stubborn or misguided or on one of those totally unjustified crusades against the Mets (et tu, comrade? then fall, Mr. Met). They lacked light in their eyes and minds, I reasoned.

  I have changed my tune. It came to me slowly. I have a friend, let's call her "E." E is a cool gal and an esteemed amiga. Great all-around girl. I have no interest in her for undisclosed reasons. Now, E is a big Yankees fan. Now there are two types of Yankees fans. Many Yankees fans are bandwagoners. They root for the Yankees because the Bronx Bombers are the more "chic" team, because they've won all these championships (COUNT the ringzzz!!!!!), because Derek Jeter is so darn adorable. They couldn't name any other player on the team except A-Rod and the aforementioned El Capitan. E does not fall into that category; she is a legit Yankees fan. I mention this because if a girl did fall into the first category, she would not necessarily suffer the consequences of my dealbreaker. There would be hope that I could take her by the hand and enable her to see the glories of Carlos Beltran, Citi Field, and the oh-so-catchy "Meet the Mets" jingle.

  There is no such hope with E; she is an ensconced Yankees fan (oh, I must note: I received E's permission to use her example for the purposes of this entry). I asked myself recently: If she had all the other qualities that I was looking for in my future wife, would I kick her aside because of this one dealbreaker? And I realized, that would not be a good idea. If she had 90% of what I was looking for, it would be pretty dumb to drop her because of this one issue. Certainly, it is still not preferable, and I'd like to gander that God knows my heart (even the so-called superficial desires). But yes, the worm has turned.

  Maybe it really was a superficial dealbreaker. Rejoice, you Pinstripe backers of the fairer gender, it has disappeared like Ollie Perez. Maybe this decision is a function of my age, ergo, I realize that I should not be so picky. Maybe I'm mellowing on the Mets and realizing that how they do should be not directly correlated to my level of happiness. Maybe I'm just getting wiser... Nahh. I must simply be getting older. LGM.

  • 12:43 pm
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