As a former sportswriter and SAT reading tutor, and current preacher, I have my share of favorite words. No. 1 on the list has to be 'sanguine.' It's a word that suits me well, and it is my heart's desire that every human being have that word associated with his or her personality. I also love the word's origin. 'Sanguine' is derived from the Greek word for 'blood.' The ancient Greeks believed that if blood was your predominant bodily fluid, you would be healthy, happy, hopeful, and ready to fall in love. Yup, that word definitely fits me. I have a few other choice words. Who could not enjoy 'punctilious,' which has a pronunciation that sounds like its meaning? And about a week ago, I heard Howie Rose (the Mets' radio announcer) utter the word 'hirsute' on my car stereo, and it brought a smile to my face. Maybe I responded accordingly because it's a fun word; maybe I just felt extra smart for knowing the definition.

These days, the prized vocabulary word that I've been using the most in my prayers and journal entries is 'foible.' Foible, a noun meaning 'a moral weakness or folly.' My preferred definition is the Shakespearean 'tragic flaw.' 2009 was been a difficult year for me, mainly in that I have been constantly reminded of my foibles. I have many foibles, but I will focus on my two 'self' foibles, them being selfishness and lack of self-control. I began full-time ministry in February 2009, right after I officially graduated from seminary the month prior. Immediately, I began to realize how easy life has been for me in the last four years. Ever since I returned to New Jersey in March 2005, I've worked part-time and been in school full-time; the result has been lots of free time. Even last year, I led a TLC group, preached every Friday, took classes full-time, and tutored regularly. And I still had plenty of extra hours to waste away. There was not enough pressure to make me more disciplined, and there was little happening to assign a microscope onto my foibles.

Enter my full-time position at Palisades Church. The running theme for the first couple of months has been EXPOSED! I felt like I was in that dream where everyone is staring at you and it takes you way too long to realize that you're wearing your birthday suit (everyone's had that dream at least a few dozens of times, right?). Now, there are a multitude of demands on my time that are only matched by the height of expectations provided by my senior pastors, fellow pastors, elders and deacons, parents, and students. (That sentence is not totally fair; I've received a wellspring of support from said parties. But hey, this is my rendition). Also, I hadn't worked full-time since my job as a sportswriter, which ended in June 2004. My mind and body had totally forgotten what it was like working a 40-hour job (more like 50-60 hours a week as a pastor). Therefore, it was much easier to keep my selfishness and lack of self-control tucked away underneath the surface. It wasn't that my foibles went unnoticed; I was fully aware of their sneering presence. It's more accurate to write that it was easier to ignore rather than to address them. Of course, that's exactly when God shines His light upon thee.

Part II next time...

We all have requirements, and we all have "dealbreakers." For me, there are some obvious requirements. She has to be a Christian. She has to be a ministry partner. She has to be pro-life. She has to be physically attractive to me (I have heard girls say that looks don't matter, and I can believe them. But I've never heard a guy say that, and if he did, who would believe him? That's just how God made the male race; we are visually oriented and stimulated. We shouldn't have to apologize for it!).

But for the longest time, I've had what people would coin a 'superficial' dealbreaker. I always insisted that it was not; after all, if it's important to me, who are you to call it shallow?? The dealbreaker was as follows: She could not be a Yankees fan (commence snickering and rolling of the eyes). My thinking was quite logical: The Mets are important to me, and I view the other Big Apple team as the enemy and all that is wrong with the universe. I mean, how could we possibly co-exist under the same roof until death do us part? It made perfect sense within the confines of my savvy intellect. Therefore, I would tirelessly defend this noble cause before many a friend. Those who didn't agree with me, well, they were just stubborn or misguided or on one of those totally unjustified crusades against the Mets (et tu, comrade? then fall, Mr. Met). They lacked light in their eyes and minds, I reasoned.

I have changed my tune. It came to me slowly. I have a friend, let's call her "E." E is a cool gal and an esteemed amiga. Great all-around girl. I have no interest in her for undisclosed reasons. Now, E is a big Yankees fan. Now there are two types of Yankees fans. Many Yankees fans are bandwagoners. They root for the Yankees because the Bronx Bombers are the more "chic" team, because they've won all these championships (COUNT the ringzzz!!!!!), because Derek Jeter is so darn adorable. They couldn't name any other player on the team except A-Rod and the aforementioned El Capitan. E does not fall into that category; she is a legit Yankees fan. I mention this because if a girl did fall into the first category, she would not necessarily suffer the consequences of my dealbreaker. There would be hope that I could take her by the hand and enable her to see the glories of Carlos Beltran, Citi Field, and the oh-so-catchy "Meet the Mets" jingle.

There is no such hope with E; she is an ensconced Yankees fan (oh, I must note: I received E's permission to use her example for the purposes of this entry). I asked myself recently: If she had all the other qualities that I was looking for in my future wife, would I kick her aside because of this one dealbreaker? And I realized, that would not be a good idea. If she had 90% of what I was looking for, it would be pretty dumb to drop her because of this one issue. Certainly, it is still not preferable, and I'd like to gander that God knows my heart (even the so-called superficial desires). But yes, the worm has turned.

Maybe it really was a superficial dealbreaker. Rejoice, you Pinstripe backers of the fairer gender, it has disappeared like Ollie Perez. Maybe this decision is a function of my age, ergo, I realize that I should not be so picky. Maybe I'm mellowing on the Mets and realizing that how they do should be not directly correlated to my level of happiness. Maybe I'm just getting wiser... Nahh. I must simply be getting older. LGM.

hello xanga.

do people still read this site? if you read my xanga, can you let me know by commenting?

and while you're at it, i have a request.

i've been challenged in the last month or so that i need to start writing again. i know that God has called me to be a writer, and even an author one day.

but my writing has gotten terribly rusty. yes, i write sermons every week for my youth group, but that's a different skill.

i had a good talk with a friend last week, and he told me that the key is to write consistently. he told me how during his stand-up days, Jerry Seinfeld would make it a point to write out at least one joke a day. it didn't matter if it wasn't any good.

therefore, starting next week, i plan to post here at least twice a week. say, about 500 words or so. i'll write on anything that comes to mind and sparks my desire to write - it could be God, ministry, baseball, girls, politics, news, food, books. But the point is, I know that I need to write. it's time to remove the rust.

so if there's any topic you'd like me to (try to) address, let me know! thanks!